Social Media: The one addiction I just can't let go

I’ve only recently started to acknowledge and address my issues with anxiety, and somewhat normalized it in my mind. It manifests itself in many forms, and one of them is social media. Anxiety caused by using social media is real. And it made me delete my Instagram account for the third time in the past year, this time for good.

I tried to delete Facebook too, and probably would have, but they have this awful feature where they keep your account active for 30 days, in case you want to come back. And 2 days ago, I came back. The thought of not being on any social media platform is scary, it's almost like you don't have a name or identity in today's world, isn't it? What if an employer wants to hire me and doesn't find me on social media? Are they going to think I'm sketchy? Are my friends and family going to think it's weird and that I have something to hide if I 'erase' my digital identity? (Excuse the exaggeration)

And so like anything that's not good for you, it pulls me back time and time again. I'm still pretty much a wreck when I go through my Facebook, but I suppose knowing I can be on it is better than not being on it at all and thinking about what's out there if that makes sense. It's hard to accurately pinpoint what it is that affects me so much, but I know I spend way too much time thinking about it.

It shouldn't affect me that much either, there's no logical reason to. I didn't grow up with it and have only used it as an adult. I keep telling myself that peer pressure is a thing of the past, but maybe it's not? The constant need to validate and prove yourself never ends, and on Facebook at least, you're constantly reminded of your life, for the past 12 years at least, and what others are doing better or worse than you. And of course, human behaviour dictates that you focus on the negative half of that equation. It's also like 40% of my life so far resides on Facebook. Right from 2007 to now, every major event in my life is documented through status updates, pictures and the occasional video. Deleting my account would also mean deleting all those memories. Yes, I could download the pictures and still have those memories for myself. But no one else will be able to see what's happened in my life? It's highly unlikely they even care, just as I don't about them, but what if they do? How can I just erase myself from social media, and what is that going to mean?

Needless to say, I greatly admire people who have managed to not have a social media presence at all. Though I find this is generally limited to people who have never had a presence in the first place, it's still commendable to resist the urge to be out there. But I cannot, and don’t think I will be able to. And so the not-so-happy medium for me is this constant back and forth every other month where I delete my profile, and then have it back in a few days. (I lasted 8 days this time!) I think I made a wise decision getting rid of Instagram though, it's just too toxic a platform for me to handle, and it also helps that you can just delete your profile for good without having the option to come back. Facebook seems milder and kinder, and more familiar so that's what it's going to be, along with my anonymous Twitter account it is. I can live with that. For now.

Thank you for reading!