Reality TV Time: 'Too Hot To Handle' Episode 2 Replay!

You know how sometimes, you know something’s bad for you, but you can’t help yourself? Yup, that happened to me too, and I watched another episode of this god-awful show. So…here’s what happened.

“Moooooorning”, says Chloe, welcoming us to the second episode. Lana reminds everyone of the rules, and that under no circumstances are they to be broken. What’s the weather like, you ask? Sunny, with zero chance of sex.

Harry is not a happy camper and says this is the worst horror movie ever. Not to be outdone, Francesca promptly compares this to losing her mom, which is more like ‘that escalated at the speed of sound'. Harry tries to make himself feel better by giving everyone a hug, starting with David who he calls a ‘naughty little possum’, which is quickly starting to become his annoying catchphrase. That doesn’t please Nicole too much, who is perplexed that she can’t do ‘aaanything’ with any of the boys.

It’s time for everyone to unleash their inner rebel, as they ponder over how much it’s going to cost them to break the rules. David reckons "good sex is worth 10 grand" which is a reflection on his poor lifestyle if you still needed proof.

Cutaway to that other modest contestant, Kelz, who likens himself to a superhero who’s been told he can’t use any of his superpowers. He’ll be very upset if anyone uses their ‘superpowers’ though and anoints himself with yet another title, The Accountant.

Matt (Jesus lookalike) says it’s going to be difficult, but is willing to ‘take one for the team’, and ‘self-sacrifice’, he’s definitely on Team Lana. I have no idea what Matt and Kelz are talking about honestly, there’s a lot of talk about power moves and the like, but it’s all beyond me at this point. Meanwhile, Sharron and Rhonda declare that they’re finding it harder and harder to keep their hands off each other. Rhonda tries to knock some sense into him, but he’s having none of it. He tries to justify himself by saying "memories are worth more than $100,000" which is clearly something someone who has no idea what that amount of money can buy would say.

It feels like this episode is lagging a bit, and needs something to happen. Fear not, we have Harry and Francesca just about to do that! Harry starts off by confirming that Lana isn’t the police and that he really wants to make sure his heart is in the right place…by having sex of course! “What have we got to lose?” he asks as he and Francesca kiss, and RULE BREAK flashes across the screen. He wants to do more, but thankfully she comes to her senses and the debauchery comes to an abrupt end.

Of course, it doesn’t stop there. Francesca now really feels the need to tell someone, and who else but Geography Queen, Haley, who seems confused as she tries to work out how much this is going to cost. Harry goes one step further and lets all the boys know after a lengthy introduction in which he calls himself vulnerable, blames the exuberance of youth, and tells them it was she who initiated it. Fake news!

They won’t have to wait long for everyone else to find out as Lana summons them to tell them the bad news. One step ahead of her though is Harry, who now employs classic victim-blaming techniques in an attempt to squirm out of the situation. Lana calmly lets the team know that this is going to cost them $3000, which is what a trip to Dubai or a weekend in Amsterdam costs, Kelz will have you know. We then see some good old reality show blame-game go on, following which Haley and Francesca storm off. Cut to Harry, who’s relieved at having got out of the situation unscathed, but regrets ‘losing’ Francesca. Francesca’s doing worse, though she appears to have got a loyal ally in Haley, who tells us that she’s obsessed with her, and absolutely loves her. Oh, okay.

Meanwhile, away from all this drama, we’re told that it’s date night time, and the table’s been set. Who’s on the date though, you ask? Lana lets Chloe know it’s her..and, David! Chloe is super excited, which is not dampened by her being reminded that there’s ‘no monkey business’ allowed, though she does get her revenge by calling the bot, Alana. She reflects on the momentous night ahead of her, realizing that she’s going to ‘have a proper conversation with him without kissing him and being a bit sexual’. Yes, a lot of us do that every day. Sharron can’t resist and rushes off to tell David, who is similarly stumped by the prospect of having to make conversation without kissing.

And it’s date time! Francesca starts us off by saying she’s going to puke, I do hope they have a doctor on set. Chloe starts off her quest to have a proper conversation by twirling her finger around in chocolate and asking David if that turns him on. Seriously? It’s literally the start of the date. He licks the chocolate off her finger, which leads her to conclude that they have a ‘lot of sexual chemistry.’ Surprise surprise, she also says she’s never had anything like this done for her. As if the cringe level wasn’t high enough already, they decide to try kissing but not kissing, as there’ll be a strawberry in between. Seriously, I won’t be able to do justice to this spectacle through words, so please get on to Netflix and watch The Kissing Olympics for yourselves. Not to mention, they wasted a strawberry.

Finally, the date is over. Chloe announces that it was a massive success full of banter and great conversation, which means one of three things has happened: The show was heavily edited, my comprehension skills have taken a nosedive, or I have different ideas of success.

Just in case you’ve forgotten about the drama surrounding Harry and Francesca, we have some closing remarks from them to end this episode. Poor Harry is reeling from being ‘hit by a truck by nasty manipulative Francesca’, but she doesn’t care. She has Haley by her side, and they rub their hands together in glee as they plot ways to make ‘everyone lose money’. I don’t know why or how they would do this, but then again, I don’t understand this show.

Until next time (And there sure will be one), goodbye, and thank you for reading!