Reality TV Time: 'Too Hot To Handle' Episode 3 Replay!

My grandparents watch awful Indian soap operas with no storyline, and unfathomable plot twist, which, as they are rational people, annoys them. I’ve often asked them why they spend time watching it if it’s not a positive experience, and the answer is always “It’s so stupid, I want to see how it ends”. This strange reasoning appears to be genetic, as I watched yet another episode of ‘Too Hot To Handle’. Here’s what happened.

I evidently got caught up in the excitement of writing the review of Episode 2, because I missed out on something super important, Haley and Francesca didn’t just think of a plan, they actually did do something about it, they kissed! RULE BREAK! This will cost the team $3000, but for some reason, they think Lana won’t tell anyone who did it, and since no one will suspect them, it’d be fun to watch everyone play the blame game. Frankly, I think that’s a terrible idea, and set up for failure, which is ironic considering I’m watching this show. In a strange way, I’m actually excited to find out how this unfolds, especially since they do their best to avoid suspicion by climbing into bed together.

Sharron’s up in the middle of the night and wakes up Rhonda who gets out of bed calmly as if being woken up at 2:30am is the most normal thing. They go to the next room, where he tells her he’s having a shower and wants her to join him. Rhonda, who is still surprisingly calm despite being woken up, tries to talk him out of it, to which he says “At the end of the day, I’m a guy, it’s not like we’re weak or anything, but sex is like brushing your teeth”. So he does it right after waking up, and makes sure he rinses?

Even though everyone else seems to have been soundly asleep, it appears that Haley and Francesca knew that Sharron and Rhonda snuck away in the middle of the night. Of course, this works nicely for their scheming ways, as they decide to place the blame squarely on the 2 of them once Lana gives everyone the bad news. We then watch Haley struggle to find the word that means ‘a sign of hope’, which of course is, as she declares after a bout of mental gymnastics, LOOPHOLE! SMH.

Before all that though, it’s time for our first workshop, designed to make our contestants realize there’s more to life than just meaningless hookups and all that other boring stuff. This one is going to be a Shibari workshop, which is basically Japanese for bondage and supposed to build trust in your partner. Of course, we’re treated to another of Haley’s intellectual escapades as she calls it ‘Shabology’, ‘Sabori’ and ‘Shobori’, but still doesn’t get it right. I feel like I’m picking on her, but it’s just so much fun. The workshop basically involves one person tying their partner up and then pondering over how this means that they’re trusted. Matt (Jesus lookalike) gets paired up with Judas, (he doesn’t, it’s actually Nicole) and his biggest struggle is pretending he hasn’t done this before. Good for you, Matty. Chloe and David are the next pair, still trying to figure out how if they have a deeper connection, even after their super successful date. And of course, in an effort to boost TV ratings, the producers still pair Francesca and Harry together. Nothing has changed, with Harry doing his damnedest to gaslight her and Francesca being passive-aggressive as she uses the ropes to her advantage (I’ll let you imagine the rest). That doesn’t seem to deter Harry though, who says “I know she wants me”. For our other 2 ‘couples’, it’s time for some face to face talk. In a weak moment, Sharron admits to Rhonda that he is heartbroken from a previous relationship, and can’t commit to Rhonda just yet, even though they both genuinely like each other (after 2 days). It’s heartbreak for David too when Chloe tells him rather harshly that there’s no spark between them, other than the aforementioned ‘sexual chemistry’, and she doesn’t see it working out at all. David looks like he’s been hit by a truck.

It’s Lana time! She summons everyone to gather around to deliver the bad news. Nicole, who I’d forgotten was still in the show wonders what she has in store for them. She won’t have to wait long, as Lana tells them there was another breach of the rules, at which Nicole is…jealous. At this point, I think surely Lana is going to tell them who did it, but my lack of reality TV producing chops are exposed, as the contestants instead spend a few minutes accusing each other of being the ones who breached the rules. While this is going on, Lana lets them know it’s another $3000 gone, which means it was a kissing infraction.

Sharron and Rhonda are immediately accused by Haley, to which Sharron gets super defensive because unlike the rest of us, he ‘hates being accused’. He then goes on to say irrelevant shit like he isn’t planning to leave here with love or a relationship, which confuses Rhonda despite her being told the exact same thing by him a few minutes ago. Having completed their Oscar-winning performances, Haley and Francesca make a quick exit to celebrate, no one seems to notice this except Matt who comes up with the line of the show so far, “The most manipulative person in the house is hanging out with the most mindless human on Earth, what could go wrong?”

Rhonda and Sharron spend another segment repeating the conversation they had earlier, not much to see here.

Francesca and Haley are now panicking and hoping they’re not called out. It looks like they will be because Matt has taken it upon himself to expose the rule-breakers. He and Chloe say ‘Obviously it’s not them’, which immediately absolves them from any wrongdoing. The main suspects appear to be Sharron and Rhonda, and Haley and Francesca, especially since Haley is so vocal.

Meanwhile, Harry makes the first dad joke of the show, when JUST when things are getting better, he tells Francesca that they’ll never see eye-to-eye because he’s 6 foot 5, and she’s 5 foot 8. (Insert slow clap gif).

Everyone’s back in the palapa area, and Matt is now trying to shame the rule breaker into admitting what they did, by asking them ‘Did you break the rules?’ Once this shockingly proves to be ineffective, he turns to Lana for help, which should have been done about 30 minutes ago, but then we wouldn’t have had an episode.

“Was it Sharron and Rhonda who broke the rules?” “Negative”, says Lana Sharron says he feels like OJ. Yeah…..okay. “Was it Harry and Francesca?” “Negative”, says Lana

“Was it Haley and Francesca who broke the rules?” Haley’s heart is beating out of her chest, but Lana puts her out of her misery, “Affirmative”, she says, and Matt comes up with the second-best line of the show so far, “The manipulator tricked the mindless human into making a mistake”. Everyone else, while unable to come up with killer lines, is understandably pissed off, and Haley wonders if she should say that she and Francesca are in love.

We’re not done yet! In the middle of a workout to boost everyone’s morale, we have contestant no.11, who is…Ex British Prime Minister David Cameron! As he gets closer, we discover that was just a lie, and he’s actually Bryce from LA who lives on a boat, which is the secret to attracting girls. If that doesn’t do it for you, he also plays piano, sings AND dances.

He’s oblivious to the rules and greets everyone, especially the women excitedly. The others smirk and snigger as they pity this sexed-up fool who doesn’t know what’s awaiting him. “It’s like walking into heaven,” says Bryce, only to be told moments later, that this is in fact, hell. So we have a new contestant, aka one more person to make fun of. How will this unfold? Find out in the next episode of ‘Too Hot To Handle’!