I went back to the office yesterday. This is what my day was like.

I was the only person in the line at Subway for the first time ever. Being able to pick out the veggies and toppings I wanted without the pressures of the tired glare from the ‘sandwich artist’ and people jostling you as they impatiently waited their turn, was an experience I didn’t know I needed till it happened. Is that the new normal? I could get used to it.

Why am I incoherently rambling about my lunch yesterday? Because yesterday was quite a special day. It’s the day I went to work after nearly 6 months. I’ve been fortunate to have been able to work from home so far, but since the office is now open to anyone who wants to use it, I thought I’d take advantage of it, primarily to give Akanksha a much-needed break from my punny humour and karaoke. I also thought it’d be nice to see the inside of an office again, to shower before work, and in a way, be among the living again.

Taking the subway was a big worry for me. Anyone who’s used a subway system during rush hour across the world will know that it’s not the best environment to physically distance in. I left earlier than usual to try and beat the morning rush, but there wasn’t any. Everyone was masked up and looked hesitant and nervous. Where in a pre-pandemic world, it was often a mad rush to get the first train, people now seem to be more generous with their time, willing to wait it out and take the next one, and generally more respectful of space.

It felt strange getting off at my stop. Last night, I rehearsed the route from the station to my office, a route I’ve taken hundreds of times but was still afraid of getting wrong. I rode up the escalator and noticed the empty advertising boards lining the wall up to the top, boards that are otherwise premium ad space. More emptiness awaited as I walked towards the office, looking at all the deserted restaurants, closed stores, and a couple of people hanging around them looking lost. It made me feel guilty for thinking of changing jobs, for thinking of moving to a new home, when I should really just be grateful for the stability I have.

My office building shares an entrance with a busy hotel. Except, it wasn’t busy anymore. The usual lines at the check-in desk now had just one masked receptionist, looking bored as she looked through her phone. Maybe she was reading about how booking.com had to shut down their office in Toronto, in yet another blow to an already devastated travel and hospitality industry?

Walking into office seemed normal enough, except I had the pandemic version of *insert festival here* gifts waiting for me at my desk- 50 disposable face masks, wipes and a touchless thermometer. There were only 6 people in the office, all appropriately distanced from each other, tentatively setting things up at their desks, not sure what the right thing to do was anymore. People who’d never spoken to me in the year that I’ve been working there came up to me (distanced) and asked how I was doing, following which we all put our epidemiologist hats on and discussed solutions to the pandemic situation in Ontario. Will our previous small talk around the weather now be replaced with discussing case and hospitalization counts? Well, if it gets more people to talk to each other, maybe it’s not such a bad thing.

Me looking absolutely thrilled to be back in the office

The day was weird. Something did not feel right, the 30-minute subway ride to and fro seemed unnecessary. I missed working from home, being able to work, study, write and watch a YouTube video whenever I wanted to. I missed the control I’ve had over my workday, working from home for the past 6 months. I felt watched. But I also thought about coming back the next day (today), and what it would be like. And after toying with the idea in my head for 10 minutes, I decided not to.

Why? Because things are not normal, and they might never go back to how they once were. It seems like a lot of people aren’t okay facing that reality, and that’s fine too. Change is gradual, and can’t happen overnight. It seems like people are forcing themselves to think that things are ‘normal’, but what is normal anyway? Hasn’t human society been about evolution and changing with the times? It’s about time we accepted the new reality and tried to adapt to it, rather than this futile attempt at living in the past, even if the past we’re talking about was just 6 months ago. We can’t always control the world, sometimes the world controls us, and that’s okay. Enjoy the ride for what it’s worth.

Thank you for reading!