Getting older sucks, or does it?

I’ve always thought I was or wanted to be, older than I actually am. As a child, especially as teenagers, we all want to be adults (till we become one and then realize it wasn’t worth it), and I was no exception. When I was 13 or so, I called myself a ‘middle-aged boy’, which is something that is rightly mocked by my family even today. A scroll through my Facebook feed on my birthdays will have a few posts talking about how old I feel, or how my best years are behind me, and how I’m now done with 1/3rd of my life or some such drivel. But after turning 30 last year, there are things that have really made me start to feel old. Hear me out, please.

Let’s start with the basics. My body feels old. I’ve only started to actually look after it in the past 3 years, and I’m glad I did because I still get aches and pains that I never did before. I’m not in chronic pain or anything, but I don’t remember waking up with a bad back as often as I do now, or a stiff neck, or having my ankle start to hurt for no valid reason. Also, hangovers? I now start to get them WHILE I’m drinking. I don’t enjoy drinking so much any more, but when I do, I just know it’s a bad idea. The mind plays tricks on you, it tells you that you can still drink like you used to. This is true, but it doesn’t tell you about the bit where you need to recover the next day. I feel a bit nauseous even typing this.

At least I can tell people I think it’s a bad idea, or not feel bad for bailing on plans any longer. That newfound confidence and security are wonderful, and I love this part about getting older. There’s no more peer pressure, not for things like this anyway. I’m more secure knowing who I am, and what I like and dislike, and find it much easier to say ‘No’. It’s refreshing to not have to prove yourself to other people or become someone you’re not, even though I still feel the need to constantly prove myself to myself, which is not pleasant and leads to a lot of self-doubts. Still, it’s a step in the right direction and something I hope I can work towards even more in the years to come. I also know what I specifically like and dislike now. I used to have a complex for not liking cars, or not watching Friends, or being judged for liking to listen to national anthems anymore. I don’t really care now. My likes and my dislikes are mine alone, and yours are yours. We can still get along, it’s fine.

It’s depressing when you can’t understand a word of a conversation that you hear or read. Not because it’s in a language you don’t speak, or because it’s a couple of toddlers ‘talking’ to each other. These are grown adults, who speak about things being ‘lit’ and someone being an ‘OG’, call each other ‘fam’ and seem to ‘can’t even’ a lot. More like 'can't even form a coherent sentence'. Yup, that’s me being judgemental and cynical, a sure shot sign that you have now fallen into the generation gap. The 1990s was THREE decades ago, and if I ever needed reminding of that, signing up for things online brings me back to that reality fairly quickly. I need to actually scroll down for my year of birth, and not just a couple of clicks. I guess I should be grateful they still have my year listed. The real depressing time will be when I click on 1989 and get an error message saying it’s out of range or whatever. I hope I’m dead before then.

More than anything else, there’s this dreaded feeling that I’m running out of time. I don’t know to do what exactly, but it nags away at me. I don’t know what will make it go away, or for me to be happy and content, or if I’ll ever find it. Is it material possession? Is it professional success? Is it about doing something impactful so people will remember you when you’re gone? All of the above perhaps. Also, a realization that I am not as invincible as I thought I was in my 20s, and definitely not immortal. That’s worrying enough, and then when I imagine that things are probably only going to get worse, it’s a scary thought.

All said and done, I’m enjoying being older. It’s not like I have a choice. I’ll be long gone before they figure out a way to halt the ageing process, so I might as well accept reality and the pros and cons that come with it, and make the best of it!

Thank you for reading!